Hi Friendz, Ilanders, Fellow Bloggers..........

It's time for me to say Good Bye to the iland, due certain compulsions, which I cannot express nor share with you...........

I might have offended certain egos and I am not going to apologise for that..... If I do that I will be violating the individuality, for which this iland is for........."Life's Like That"

As the saying goes..............""Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." - Richard Bach .

The world is small, and I consider it even small, like tip of my little finger........

C You FOLKS...........Good Bye

Murali

Following is the shocking news taken from the net. The link has been provided by Mrs. Meena Sundaram, by email…….I thought to publish it in the blog, so that it will reach more reach more readers and people, and will create an awareness among them, the seriousness of the issue…

The Current Scenario in India

In India, every year new policies and programs are framed for the development of children but they are not followed through seriously enough. Thousands of child abuse cases have been reported and despite strict and hard rules, hardly a day goes by when no such incident is reported. In some places, children are abused at a very young and tender age. The incidents of rape in the age group of 5-10 year old girls are committed by 30-40 year old men.

This survey report findings should work as eye-openers and have our society and government take necessary steps to stop child abuse in our country.

Make Lemons into Lemonade: Use Positives for Disciplining Children

J. Eileene Welker

When I was browsing, I stumbled on to this article, by J.Eileene Walker which I felt I should share with you friends and bloggers, as I think, this is the need of the hour

Now the excerpts from J.Eileene Walkers article:

If you find yourself using words like "don't...," "stop...," and "no" to discipline your child, try using positive words instead. Children need to be taught how to behave in socially and morally acceptable ways. To discipline means to teach, especially in matters of conduct. To teach effectively, we need to tell our children clearly what we want them to do. The word "don't" seems to come easily to our lips, so it takes practice to learn to rephrase our limits and rules. The rewards of guiding children rather than commanding them won't necessarily come right away. But in the long run, it helps children learn to be morally well-developed, socially appropriate, self-directed, and happy kids.

Positive Discipline or Child Guidance

Positive discipline is based on understanding child development--what it is like to be in your child's shoes. Parents also must have a firm idea of the kind of person they want their children to become and be willing to follow a plan of action.

Telling children what we want over and over again supplies them with the information they need to learn. Eventually, this knowledge will become second nature to them. Recognizing that it is natural for children to behave in socially inappropriate ways, the child guidance approach helps children develop self-discipline. Guidance addresses the child's behavior rather than judging the child. Listen to the following example. Instead of chiding a child who isn't ready to leave in the morning with, "You always make me late for work!" you might say, "Taking time to decide what to wear makes us late everyday. Tomorrow we can either get up earlier or put out clothes before we go to bed. You decide."

Restating Limits and Rules Positively

Instead of constantly using "don't" commands (although sometimes they are necessary), learn to rephrase in a positive way while clearly stating the desired behavior. Instead of saying, "Don't run in the house," for example, try saying, "Walk in the house." This states clearly how you want your child to act. Sometimes you may want to give reasons for the rule--especially when you state it for the first time. Explaining a rule might sound like this: "Walk in the house. When you run, you may break something or hurt yourself by running into something."

Negative versus Positive Guidance

Think about what you want your children to do instead what you don't want them to do. In the following examples, the positive guidance follows the "don't" command.

• "Don't go into the street," versus, "Play in the yard. You could get hurt if you go into the street."
• "Don't stay out too late," versus, "You need to be home by 11:00 p.m."
• "Don't throw the ball in the house," versus, "Roll the ball in the house," or, "Balls are for outside play."

Limits

Limits are specific expectations parents set for their children. They are guidelines or rules, such as staying in the backyard when playing outside, staying out of a sister's bedroom, keeping car tools in the garage, and asking permission before borrowing clothes. Setting limits tells a child, "I care about you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be considerate. By acting responsibly, you will learn to get along with others."

Four Types of Limits

1. Prevent physical harm, as in, "Be gentle with your baby sister."
2. Protect property, as in, "Play with the ball outside, not in the house."
3. Prevent psychological harm, as in, " When your sister makes a mistake, give her some help. Laughing at her would make her very sad."
4. Respect for others, as in, "Ask Jamie before you play with his toys."

Keys to Effective Limits

• Keep your limits to important matters. Too many limits can be a burden to children and parents. Limits should be based on your highest priorities.
• Set reasonable limits. Can the child do what is expected of him or her? Consider his or her age and developmental stage.
• Teach self-discipline with clear, positive limits.
• Be consistent with limits you set. If limits are not consistently enforced, the child will be confused.
• Change limits to adapt to changes in the child's age. A child's ring of freedom should grow larger as he or she ages. However, limits involving respect are reasonable for all ages.
• Involve children in setting some of their limits. Asking children to give their opinions about limits boosts self-confidence and self-control.
• Help children understand the reasons for limits. Children are more likely to cooperate with parents if they understand the reason for the limits.
• Set enforceable limits. Parents must enforce limits their child deliberately defies. Can a parent enforce a rule that their children always wear a hat and coat when it is cold? Can you see them at school or at a friend's house? When you aren't where you can watch your child's actions, it is difficult to enforce a limit. Sometimes you can set up a consequence if you find out they have broken a limit. When setting limits, think about whether you can enforce them. For example, can you enforce a rule that your child always eats their vegetables at school lunch?

WHY WOMEN CRY ?




Why Women Cry, Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom? "Because I'm
a woman," she told him. "I don't understand," he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will, but that's O.K."....... Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?". "All women
cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?" GOD answered...... "When I made woman, I decided she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort... ! I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without complaining.... I gave her  the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly.... She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boos' feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....!

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.... I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....

For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness.... When you see her cry, tell her how
much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.

She is special! Please send this to all the women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.

GIRL CHILD – IV

I think it’s time to write the next Episode on this subject. The third one was about sub-ordination, and tagged on to my Sis. Meena. She had come out with a brilliant poetry depicting the nuances of celebration on the girl attaining the AGE (Maturity). There was plenty of enthusiasm, among the ilanders, which can be felt through the comments and opinions, she had received for that poetry.

Now, having said enough about the plights of GIRL CHILD, in a Male dominated Society, and the ill effects of certain formalities and culture being imposed on Women / Girl Child, I would like to dedicate the episode IV and V, to Women who have excelled in their endeavors, in the same society, against all odds and competition.

Despite the fact that the GIRL CHILD / Women are deprived of their opportunities of equality in our Society, there are Women, who had fought for their achievements and recognition and excelled better than the other gender.

Here I would like to quote a paragraph, which I read in one of the briefings on “Why Men Like Bitches”, by Sherry Argoy,

Quote:

"Today some men like bold women who shows interest, can carry on a little flirting and can take initiative in building a relationship as it takes off their burden. This is also slowly being accepted in our culture," says Dr Vaz.

Manish Munot seconds this opinion. "Nowadays men like women who are smart and intelligent. My wife Shaina is more popular than me but that is perfectly fine for me as we both work hard and try to do our best in respective fields. I strongly feel that everyone has a right to pursue their dreams. I definitely like career women who are independent, confident, and competent enough to handle any situation alone."

Unquote:

Please, mind you, this is not a statement…….but a result of a study……and the acceptance level is very minimal.

This year, Ministry of Women and Child Development, Govt. of India is trying to take the bull by the horns, with their theme: “Survival to Success: Celebrate Her Life”.

Substantiated with Micro – Finance Movement, in rural India, which primarily try to address the empowerment of Women holistically, this will show us the way to treat women not as objects of welfare but as active partners to the road to progress.

This movement has reached the core villages in rural India, such as Nalgonda in AP, Sosopi in Jarkhand, to improve their circumstances both economically and socially and to instill confidence among the women folk that they are no more an inferior sex, by gender.

I want to share some of the success stories of women in today’s life, which I read from the in flight magazine, SWAGAT:

Asmath was forced to quit her job as a teacher, due to her poor health, in 2001. The entire family was literally, depending only on her husband’s income from small clock shop, which had to be shut down, due to lack of business. Her 2 sons were to drop out of school and the husband is finding it too difficult to meet the ends.

In 2004, there was a movement SKS Micro Finance, which Asmath heard about and enrolled herself. Her first micro loan was a modest Rs.8000/- which she used to buy materials to start a Sari business. With hard work and determination, she made it as a successful business and even traveled to Hyderabad to study the latest fashion trends.

She then started an embroidery unit and sold them to the village women, even before the trend is known in the UP market

Now she runs the business with 30 people to deal with volume orders and says” I am extremely happy and proud that I not only improved my situation but involving myself in helping the Society with possible employment”.

Kalabati, Raghunath Nager Slum, Bhubaneshwar, started a business of her own to supplement the income of Rs.40 -50, from her husband as a peanut vendor, and another 40 – 50 from her son (who had been forced to forego his education), who again a peanut vendor.

She availed a small loan from KAS foundation, of Rs. 5,200/-, and bought a TV and a CD Player, which she is lending out to other poverty ridden families, who cannot afford to own a TV. Her income stabled at Rs.3500 per month now, and now she feels stronger to take bigger steps in her life, with a hope to offer better education to all her 3 children.

Aggregating woman like Kalabati, into self – help groups has made them stronger and provided them with some sort of security from which they have greatly benefited.

Dadimo, a native of Sosopi, Jharkhand, with a husband of prolonged illness and a son, who wants to go to school. The family was able to get food only for 6 months in a year, from their own land of about 0.14 hectares.

When PRADAN, offered to set up self help groups in the village she had sniffed the opportunity and become a member. She took a loan of Rs.200/- which she invested in her puffed rice business…….and today her loan is standing at Rs.66,600/-, invested in her shop and improving the crop yield from her land with technical support from PRADAN.

Now she is planning to have another loan to buy bullocks. She is now saving about Rs.100/- per week, and started investing in Post Office Recurring Deposits, and her son was transferred from Village School to the nearby town.

She says, “IF YOU CAN PROPERLY USE THE MONEY AND DIVERSIFY ACCORDING TO THE OPPORTUNITIES, WITH COURAGE, YOU WILL SUCCEED IN LIFE”. (I learnt a lesson today).

The success stories are too long to make it here…….

These stories tell us another one, that:

• Look for and cash in on the Opportunities available next to you.

• Possess a Never – Die Attitude and have abundant confidence to excel in life

• Have the Courage and Determination, which will lead you to the light at the end of the Tunnel, where a colorful horizon is awaiting you.

I would like the ilanders friends who read this blog to pass on this message to the rural folks known to them:

THERE ARE OPPORTUNITIES NEXT TO YOU………INCLUDING MICRO FINANCE…….AND ABUNDANCE OF BUSINESSES TO TAKE ON AS PER YOUR INTEREST AND SKILLS……AND PLENTY …..PLENTY……..OF WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR (Women / GIRL CHILD) LIFE BOTH ECONOMICALLY AND SOCIALLY.

Let us March together without gender discrimination, to the road to SUCCESS….

I JUST WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU, MY FRIEND’S E MAIL …….

YOU KNOW WHAT ???? THIS IS BECOMING ANOTHER ISSUE IN TODAY’S LIFE……WITH LOT MANY OLD – AGE HOMES PROPPING UP IN OUR SOCIETY….

I HAVE DECIDED TODAY TO SHARE MY TIME ON THIS ISSUE TOO, SO THAT HUMANITY  REMAINS WITH US……..TO HAVE TOTAL HAPPINESS….

NOW THE MESSAGE:

My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the Airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same.   In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Jet Airways. The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air.
 
The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.  
 
As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. He became very emotional and it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant a great deal to him. When he said thanks, I told him there was no need to thank me.  
 
But later, thinking about the entire incident, I looked back at my life. As a child how many dreams our parents have made come true. Without understanding the financial situation, we ask for cricket bats, dresses, toys, outings, etc. Irrespective of their affordability, they have catered to all our needs.

Did we ever think about the sacrifices they had to make to accommodate many of our Wishes? Did we ever say thanks for all that they have done for us?  
 
 Same way, today when it comes to our children, we always think that we should put them in a good school. Regardless of the amount of donation, we will ensure that we will have to give the child the best, theme parks, toys, etc. But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificed a lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility to ensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see when they were young, it is our responsibility to ensure that they experience all those and their life is complete.  
 
Many times, when my parents had asked me some questions, I have actually answered back without patience. When my daughter asks me something, I  have been very polite in answering.  Now I realize how they would have felt at those moments.

Let us realize that old age is a second childhood and just as we take care of our children, the same attention and same care need to be given to our parents and elders.  
 
Rather than my dad saying thank you to me, I would want to say sorry for making him wait so long for this small dream. I do realize how much he has sacrificed for my sake and I will do my best to give the best possible attention to all their wishes. Just because they are old does not mean that they will have to give up everything and keep sacrificing for their grandchildren also. They have wishes, too. 

God bless our parents with good health and long life.

ANGER in CHECK:

• The key to reduction of anger is …..by knowing yourself.

• Do important jobs now before they become urgent.

• When you make mistakes, learn from them rather than getting angry.

• Don't criticize, condemn & complain because it makes you angry.

• Learn to say no.

• Choose a job you love and you will not have a day of anger in your working life.

• Most problems are really the absence of ideas.

• Think ahead... anticipate... do it or get it done, even if second best... you will be less angry.

• Organize your mind and organize your desk for six minutes every hour.

• Accept what you cannot change & change what you cannot accept.

• Ask even stupid questions to avoid mistakes to further avoid others getting angry with you.

• Say sorry at the right moment to reduce the anger of others.

• For every 10 minutes you are angry you lose 600 seconds of happiness.

• A little pot soon hot!

• A short pencil is better than a long memory.

• Use it to reduce your anger.

• Nobody can make you angry without your consent.

• Never get angry with a man who has nothing to lose.

• The most common occupational disease of a poor executive is
  his inability to listen. The result is anger.

• Never reply to a letter when you are angry.

• Nobody can disgrace us other than ourselves. So why get angry?

• Anger is a luxury in which only men of abundant means or absolutely no means can indulge.

• Never go to bed with an argument unsettled.

• Expectation breeds frustration. Frustration breeds anger.

• Work is the best remedy for all angers.

• Humans, who do not know how to fight anger, die young.

• Make common sense your best friend to reduce your anger and the anger of others.

• Indecision makes you angry. Therefore, decide this way or that way.

• If all else fails, lower your standards to make you less angry.

• You cannot change others as easily as you can change yourself.

• Do not just catch your employees or your children doing wrong things; it will make you angry. Catch them doing right things.

• When you want to get things done, use creative ways to remind people as they tend to forget conveniently; this will reduce your anger.

• Most people remember 20 % of what they hear... understand this fact to reduce your anger.

COMMENTS

FOLLOWING IS THE COMMENT I HAVE RECEIVED FROM SAVITA DUTTA......WHICH IS WHAT I WAS EXPECTING ALL ALONG WHEN I STARTED WRITING ON THIS SUBJECT - "GIRL CHILD "

NOW I FEEL MY WORK ON THIS SUBJECT IS HONOURED AND MAKING ME TO CONTINUE .......

savita dutta said...on GIRL CHILD – PART III

10:10 PM | 23/Mar/07 | |